Counting My Blessings.

I guess happiness is scary. I always thought that it was scary because then we wouldn't have anything to live for. Like, anything to aim. But that's bullshit. We're humans. There's always gonna be something else that we want and we don't have. Kinda sad, really.

Happiness is scary, because you don't know any better. It's something you've never been through. Making your dreams come true is scary. Because once it's really happening, you've got no control and it's all new.

Tomorrow morning, right after class, I'll have to go to the french consulate to ask them if I can go to France without a visa (the thing is, I'll need a visa for Germany. But France and Spain, I'll be spending less than 90 days in each. So I have to go there and ask them if I'll need it anyway). They say I don't. But even if I don't, my dad wants me to ask them if I could get it anyway. It's scary. I don't even know how to get there, what to say. How to dress, even. Scary.

Another scary thing is that I'll have to go to Paris first. My plane leaves São Paulo to Paris. There I'll get on another plane to Frankfurt. In freaking Frankfurt, I'll have to find a Bahnhof to get me to Berlin. Yay. But think about it. I don't speak French. I don't speak German. I try like hell, but I cannot speak any of these languages. How the hell am I gonna get along with this whole getting-to-Berlin thing ?

I know what you're thinking. Just speak English. I'm not that kind of girl. You know, the kind that gets to Paris and tries getting along speaking English. I'll be alone. In Europe. I'll have to find my way to Berlin. I'm only 19 years old. I've never been anywhere before. Anywhere like that, at least. All new. Very scary.

And still, I'm counting the days to getting on that plane. I'm counting the days to leaving here. I'm counting every single day until I get things my way.

Let's see, 68 days till I don't have to go to college anymore. And four more days to Christmas (have I mentioned that I love Christmas ?). 113 days till I get to Europe. 21 till Eminem's concert.

I love numbers. Haha. No, I hate it.

I'm gonna go watch Grey's Anatomy, since I don't have Spanish class today (funny thing, something tells me I won't have any problems in Spain).

God, I love Spanish. For what it's worth, German class yesterday was great. I felt like I could really understand what was going on. And, truth is, I usually don't have much problem with French anyway.

While I'll go watch Grey's Anatomy (which I love with all my heart), you should listen to the song Trouble is a Friend, from Lenka. I heard it first in Grey's Anatomy. Perfect moment, perfect scene.

So. Take care and don't be too scared. Dreams coming true is always good.

L.