Scarred.

If I had never known him, maybe I wouldn’t run away as much now.

It was three years ago, and still, I’m still fragile about it. I could complain about my own sanity, damaged by that amount of compromise followed by such devastading good bye. But that’s one scar that doesn’t itch. I’ve got others that burn every night, still livid. It feels like it was yesterday. And maybe it was. Maybe I’ve been walking around pointlessly ever since. I’ve got scars that burn every time I think about how deeply I loved him and how desperate I got when he left me.

Trying to fight it is helpless. Most of the time, I don’t even think of it. But sometimes, when he flashes my mind, and when I remember how much I cared and how sad I got, I feel my arms weaken, my forehead frowns, and tears treaten to fall.

Telling yourself that’s just how life is, that it’s unfair, that doesn’t help. It is unfair. The way he made me happy, that was absurd. I’d never thought it was possible for any person, let alone me, to feel that way. Everything he said, he saw me the way I always wanted someone to see me, and he’d warm me up. He’d tell me I was the best person anyone could meet, that he didn’t know how he got so lucky. He said I made his world stop. And I know I did. And he did.

Every night I waited up for him, wondering if I’d see him the next day, that scar still burns. I listen to the song I would, when I didn’t want to come out of bed, knowing I wouldn’t see him anytime soon. I spent longer wishing to see him than seeing him. I spent longer waiting for him than with him. The agony, the waiting, the worrying, that killed me every time he left. But I loved him too much, I loved him too deeply to complain. Deep down inside, I knew he was mine. And more important than that, I knew I was his. And I knew that would never change.

Losing him brought me an amount of sadness that was equally related to how happy he had made me. I could hardly bear it. I still don’t know how I’m still alive. I spent days that turned into months wishing it wasn’t true. Denying quietly, lost without the will to be alive. And every time I think of it, of how much it hurt, I realize that scar still lives on.

It hasn’t changed.

It burns inside of me to think I lost the love of my life. But I will always be his, even after such devastading good bye.

L.

Underclass Hero.

"Pull the curtain, begin. Paranoia is wearing thin now. It's wearing thin now"

I've spent all week with this song in my head. All week. Since Saturday, really. And it comes from one of my favorite albuns ever.

Lead by one of the most stylish people I've ever seen (Deryck Whibley), this canadian band won my heart with this album released in 2007. I knew Deryck from Avril Lavigne (girl I love and hate since 2002) and I always looked up for pictures of him on the internet to find out what he was wearing. I really don't know why I didn't go after his music. I liked 'With Me', which I never listen to anymore (it's the only song in this album I'm not too excited about). But I never tried listening to the rest of it.

One sunny day I decided to go after it. And I haven't regreted it ever since. I ended up falling in love with many of their songs, especially from their albuns 'Chuck' and 'Does This Look Infected?'. But I'm gonna talk about 'Underclass Hero' because if it weren't for it, Sum 41 wouldn't be in my heart.

Let's do it. 

The first song, which carries the same name as the album, is the perfet way to start it. It's one of the best, too. It sets the tone of the album. And it's followed by another one of my favorites, 'Walking Disaster'. It's a bit sad, in a very 'Underclass Hero' way (which can make a few people call them 'emo', but I disagree). The next one, 'Speak of the Devil', starts off so slowly, that when the drums begins to give it a stronger beat, I can't help it, it makes me smile so bad! The chorus is just as fast as it should be, the lyrics are great, even its name. But still, 'Pull The Curtain' is still my favorite.

'Dear Father' is the one that brings me down the most. But it's easy going. About the rest of the album, the ones I think deserve more attention are 'Pull The Curtain' and 'King of Contradiction'.

Everything about 'Pull The Curtain' gets me. Especially the ending. That extra ending makes it all worth it. Besides, it only makes the next song, 'King of Contradiction', even better. It's a fast, fast song. Restless guitar, drums and angry lyrics. It's great. The heavy guitar that appears at the end is simply awesome. And it ends up with the begining of the next song, 'Best of Me', which is adorable and quite sad too. Very romantic for Sum 41.

It's one of my favorite albuns ever. It fit a very particular time of my life and it was really all I needed then. Therefore, here it is. Sum 41, Underclass Hero. Worth listening to.

L.

Believe.

I still haven't quite figured out why Orianthi has released a new album that has 8 songs from her first album. And the same name (except that this new one has got the 'II' after it). But okay. I gave it a try. I usually trust her (I've got reasons for it). Her song 'Bad News' (which appears on the second album too) is one of my favorite Girl Power songs (I really love Girl Power). And, I don't know why, but her song 'According to You' (which also appears on the second album) is the perfect soundtrack for a phase from Tomb Raider Underworld, which I have lots of trouble passing (although I've finished it about eight times). It's powerful and great for you to listen when angry at an ex. And it just made it that much easier for me to drive Lara's bike.

Well, the first time I listened to Orianthi's album (the first one), I liked it, alright. But I wasn't head over heels for it. I'm still not head over heels for it. It's good pop. It's great, actually. Because, seriously, these days every pop singer wants to sing in an eletronic beat. Anybody noticed that already ? I can't stand it anymore (although Christina Aguilera did it and her album is amazing). Orianthi keeps it clean and well done. Of course her pop is a little bit more like rock. But that's just because of her restless guitar. She herself is a great guitarrist. It's clear in her songs. But I don't relate to her kind of playing. You know, I don't think playing it fast and frenetic makes you good. But it works well on her songs.

Like I said, I'm still not head over heels for it. Only for a few songs. 'Bad News', 'According to You', 'Feels Like Home' and 'Courage' (this last one is only on her second album).

The first single (I think it is. Again, I'm not good with singles) is 'Shut Up and Kiss Me'. Pretty good. Powerful. But doesn't really make you feel - wait for it - alive.

If I could only listen to one of the Believe albuns, I'd choose the second one. But, truth be told, I still feel weird listening to the songs from the first album on the second one. Really, when I wanna listen to one of the eight (eight!) songs that are in both, I always choose the first one. I don't know. Maybe she hasn't had time to write new songs. Or just wanna sell more.

Still. I like her. She's a badass. And so is 'Bad News'. Like, really.
Orianthi is 25 years old and was born in Australia. She probably talks with an accent too. 

L.

MFZB.

Yeah. I know. I know that Zebrahead's album MFZB is from 2003. And that we're in 2010. But I'll post in here based on when I found out about the album, not really its release date.

Anyway. So. Zebrahead. I met Zebrahead through a friend who lives in São Paulo in 2007. I live in São Paulo. But at that time I didn't. That's why the reference. Whatever. I heard about them in 2007. So when another friend of mine told me that he wrote 'MFZB' everywhere because of their album, I knew who Zebrahead were. Or what it was. I didn't really feel like listening to it right away, although that friend of mine has a great taste for music. But one of these days, while missing that friend, I decided I'd give it a try. Good choice.

The album starts with 'Rescue Me'. You get a good vibe from its begining. It's my favorite kind of music. It's punk, it's got the screaming guy from time to time and the lead singer's voice makes him sound pretty hot. The guitar, the drums, nothing leaves anything to be desired. The second song, 'Over the Edge' starts off really well too. It follows the same line. So does the entire album. After a while, it might get a little tiring. But it's punk, isn't it ?

You should pay attention to my favorites. Há. Yeah, I think my taste for music is good like that. But anyway, pay attention to 'The Set Up', 'Into You' (which has got that punk-cute edgy vibe, that would make it perfect to tell your crush if he rides a skateboard), 'Falling Apart' and 'Runaway'. Besides 'Rescue Me', of course.

Overall, good punk album. I wonder why nobody knows Zebrahead. I asked almost everyone I know and, except for those two friends, none of my friends knows who the hell Zebrahead is. Or what the hell. I'll go after their other albuns, and I'll come back to tell you. 'Waste of MFZB' is next on my list. I promise.

L.

The Adventures of Bobby Ray.

Here we go again. Another rapper I met because of Eminem.

One of these days (maybe in March), a friend of mine (who's a sucker for Paramore) came tell me that Hayley Williams had recorded a song with Em. My frist thought ? 'Why the hell would Em sing with that girl ?' Maybe because the song is great. Maybe because they never got in a studio together. And because it's not hers, it's B.O.B.'s.

I spent quite a while in love with that song, 'Airplanes'. It came in handy. I needed that line, 'Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars ?'. So when I saw on Billboard's site that he had released the album, I was happy to listen to it. And I got even happier.

'Don't Let Me Fall', the first song, is pretty good. But didn't get me in love with it. The second one did, though. And I think it's a single (I'm not very into singles and videos, as a matter of fact). It's 'Nothing on You'. Very cute, great beat. Quite addictive. Then, the third one, 'Past my Shades' is also great. Also got me in love with it. It's powerful and empowering. The fourth is 'Airplanes' (but with Hayley only) and then it's 'Bet I'.

'Bet I' is so amazing, so badass, I can barely stop listening to it! It's awesome, the lyrics, the guests, Bobby even. It's great, really, really great. I can't describe it. Every time now that I feel down, I put it on and dance along. Awesome.

Moving on, the other songs I consider great in this album are 'Magic', 'The Kids' and 'Airplanes' with Hayley and Eminem. But you should always listen to every song, at least a little bit of each, just to find out if it catches your attention. I don't expect my opinion to be absolut. But I gotta say, way to go, Bobby Ray.

L.

Who is Angelina Jolie ?

She does exist, right ? Because it's been a week since I watched 'Salt' and I still can't believe she's real. She's so AMAZING!

Let me start again. I've been a fan from Angie since I was 10 years old and watched her play Lara Croft. I love Lara Croft. She's one of my greatest idols. I mean, she's perfect (of course she is, she isn't real). Soon enough 'action movies with Angie on them' became my favorite kind of movie. I like 'Mr. and Mrs. Smith'. It's cool. And I like 'Wanted' (especially since I love James McAvoy). But 'Salt' is something else. 'Salt' is absurd. I can't believe that movie exists!

I tend to overreact. I know. I'll say lots of things are the best, and almost everything is out of this world. But this movie really is! 

I knew I'd love it even before I had watched it. But then, ten minutes into the movie, I was sure it had been the best action movie I'd ever seen (other ones I like are 'The Bourne Identity', 'Bad Boys II' etc). It's simply AWESOME. It starts awesome. Goes on awesome. And ends up even more awesome! Haha. It was really well done. It was studied, it was thought of, you know. It shows that the people who made it knew what they were doing. And I'm glad.

The way Ev Salt gets what she wants (trying my best not to give it away), using Biology and Chemistry, it's amazing! And it's real. I mean, of course she's a fucking badass for being able to do all she does. But it's not like 'Wanted', which was really impossible of being true. 

During the whole movie, you -

Okay. Better not say anything more. I'm just going to say that Angie's character is great. It's deeper than regular action main characters, so that's a plus. Besides, Angie is the best. And no one could ever have played Salt better than she did.

I could definitely watch this movie every day for the rest of my life. Hell, yeah!

L.

Asleep in the Bread Aisle.

I've been wanting to make a blog about (music) my life for quite a while. What made me decide starting it today was Asher Roth. Asher Roth is a rapper from USA, 24 years old. I was looking up Eminem's enemies when I got to read about Cage. And after looking up for 'Cage rapper' in Google, I saw a picture of Asher. I read the text under it, you know, to make sure it was indeed Cage. Good thing I did. I read about how he had released an album in 2009. So I listened to it.

My first thought while listening it was, 'MYGOD, his voice is a lot like Eminem's!'. And it is. It's amazing, sometimes I get the feeling that I'm listening to Eminem. That bothers me a little bit. For one thing, Eminem is the best, one and only. And second, I wasn't sure what Asher thought of Em and what Em thought or Ahser (next time I'll use 'vice-versa'). I cooled down after finding out Em thinks Asher is dope and vice-versa (see ?).

I started by 'I love college', his first single. I'm in college, and I love college. I thought I'd relate to it. Not so much. He talks slow (sings, sorry). And I couldn't make it to the end of the song. Went straight to 'As I Em', in which he talks about Eminem.

He doesn't say much, really. He just says that Em was (and still is) great, that he respects him and that people keep remembering him because of Em. I think he was just trying to avoid a fight. Smart of him. Em thinks he's dope.

He's cool, though. I listened then to 'Blunt Cruisin', which is cool. But that's all. Then 'Be by myself', 'Bad day' (which I loved, really good!), until I found the one I'm listening to right now (by the way, I don't usually follow the order from the album). 'She don't wanna man'. First of all, since I'm brazilian and English isn't really my mother language (though it feels second nature to me), the obvious grammar mistake there bothers me a little bit. Well, at least it did. 'Cause the song is great. The beat is good. The rhyms are good. It starts well, goes on well and makes you wanna listen to it again after it ends well.

I'm really more used to the heavy rap from Eminem, talking about serious stuff (when not dissing everybody). So Asher's subjects when rapping seem a bit too silly to me at first sight. But after a while (which doesn't take long), you're even grateful that, for once, somebody is making a rap without risking his life. Or money (you know, if he gets sued).

Overall, it's a great album. Especially since it's his first solo album. Asher Roth is 24 years old. I'm guessing I'm gonna see a lot of him in the future. He'll last.

L.

Start the Machine.

Welcome, y'all. This blog is about overall music. But then again, fashion. And movies, relationships and everything I feel like writing in here. Next year, it'll be about my trip to Europe. The year after that, about going back to Fashion college. 

I decided writing a blog because, for one thing, my friends don't really love when I start talking about a new album I just listened to. Or when I talk about the last NFL match I watched (yes, I'll probably talk about this in here too). And for another, I love criticism. When it comes from me, of course. I'm not a bitch, I'll try my best not to say anything too mean. But I can't help it when I like something too much. I overreact, I know. Everything's out of this world. Well, not everything. But everything I love.

All I really want to say is, get ready. And always come back.

L.