My dad's asked me if it isn't scary to go to Europe by myself and live there with strangers for 10 months. He's so funny.
Of course it's scary. When I was younger, he used to tell me that I could get into college, study for a year and then leave for an exchange course. Back then, I'd agree, but secretly wish I wouldn't. I was scared, yes. But I also knew I couldn't handle it. Now 2010 has come to my life and, between my desperation of finding myself, curing myself and developing myself, I've come to the decision that - well, that I need to get the hell out of here as soon as possible.
It's been six months since I thought of that. But hey, it's the soonest possible.
But now, as I approach the date of leaving, I can't help wondering if I am really ready. Because it's scary. Like, hell scary. How can anyone be ready to spend 10 months with strangers in a land they don't even know how to communicate ? Scary. People say you make friends at hello in Berlin. But before I say Hello to anyone, I'll have to get by alone. All alone. What if I do something wrong ? What if I forget every single dammed word of German I've ever learned ? Then what do I do ?
And that's not the only thing that's scary. Here's something you didn't see coming - as least not from me: I'm scared that I'll miss my parents too much. And my friends. I'm gonna cry my eyes out on my goodbye party. And when I'm about to get on board. Three of my friends left to London last Friday and, whether they noticed or not, I was on the verge of really crying my eyes out. I'll melt when I'm the one who has to leave.
It's gonna break me. But here's one good side of it, I'll probably go back to writing in my Journal. And by writing, I don't mean copying what I wrote here and pasting there. I really don't.
There's also a huge part of me that wishes I was going tomorrow. Go figure.
L.
0 comentários:
Postar um comentário