I Can't Get You Out Of The Sunlight.

I broke up with my friend. Our friendship, I mean. I broke it off. I decided I never wanted to talk to her ever again. I'm that final. You know, for a while, then I change my mind and go back to the start. That final.

But this time was serious. And it's hard for it to be serious with me, but it was. Because for several times I deeply felt like I hated her. Like I really hated her guts. Like I hated the way she treats me, the way she talks to me, how fake it feels when she tells me she likes me. And it was hard, but I haven't talked to her ever since (it probably hasn't been as long as I feel it's been). I've deleted her out of my life and started to get used to living without her.

Here's my reference: in Being Erica, Erica once broke up with one of her friends, when she realised that this friend only hurt her. And I know it seems absurd, bu is it really ?

Think about it. When a relationship is poisoned, and it only wears you out, when you keep feeling like you hate the other person, like that person is so despicable, shouldn't you break it off ? Isn't that the only way of being happy ? Why should friendships be any different ? So I become somebody's friend, and then we both grow up (or maybe not both of us, huh) and we become so different, we can't exactly coexist in harmony. Shouldn't it end ?

I got carried away, though. And I decided I'd burn any bridge that took me places I hated. Anybody who was annoying, poisoned and made me feel like, well, a loser. Here's the thing, though. When you think your brother is unfair and always getting what he wants, selfish and stuff, you shouldn't just decide to never talk to him again. Sure, teaching him he shouldn't be this way should be a priority. But then again, that's not my job. And sure, instead of teaching him, just ignoring it will probably just increase the chances of it happening again in the future. But he's my brother, you know. I can't be so final with him. 

But friends, think about it, they're supposed to be the light of your life. Family is the ones you learn with. But friends should equal fun. They should at least equal happiness. And she only made me mad, really. 

Now she's sent me a message saying she needs to talk to me. It's been so long, I had given up on that. And I'm not even sure if she wants to apologize for being, well, bitchy. I was so sure I had made the right decision. I don't wanna go back to that kind of friendship we had. How do I decide if being friends is a good idea or not ? 

L.