Counting My Blessings.

I guess happiness is scary. I always thought that it was scary because then we wouldn't have anything to live for. Like, anything to aim. But that's bullshit. We're humans. There's always gonna be something else that we want and we don't have. Kinda sad, really.

Happiness is scary, because you don't know any better. It's something you've never been through. Making your dreams come true is scary. Because once it's really happening, you've got no control and it's all new.

Tomorrow morning, right after class, I'll have to go to the french consulate to ask them if I can go to France without a visa (the thing is, I'll need a visa for Germany. But France and Spain, I'll be spending less than 90 days in each. So I have to go there and ask them if I'll need it anyway). They say I don't. But even if I don't, my dad wants me to ask them if I could get it anyway. It's scary. I don't even know how to get there, what to say. How to dress, even. Scary.

Another scary thing is that I'll have to go to Paris first. My plane leaves São Paulo to Paris. There I'll get on another plane to Frankfurt. In freaking Frankfurt, I'll have to find a Bahnhof to get me to Berlin. Yay. But think about it. I don't speak French. I don't speak German. I try like hell, but I cannot speak any of these languages. How the hell am I gonna get along with this whole getting-to-Berlin thing ?

I know what you're thinking. Just speak English. I'm not that kind of girl. You know, the kind that gets to Paris and tries getting along speaking English. I'll be alone. In Europe. I'll have to find my way to Berlin. I'm only 19 years old. I've never been anywhere before. Anywhere like that, at least. All new. Very scary.

And still, I'm counting the days to getting on that plane. I'm counting the days to leaving here. I'm counting every single day until I get things my way.

Let's see, 68 days till I don't have to go to college anymore. And four more days to Christmas (have I mentioned that I love Christmas ?). 113 days till I get to Europe. 21 till Eminem's concert.

I love numbers. Haha. No, I hate it.

I'm gonna go watch Grey's Anatomy, since I don't have Spanish class today (funny thing, something tells me I won't have any problems in Spain).

God, I love Spanish. For what it's worth, German class yesterday was great. I felt like I could really understand what was going on. And, truth is, I usually don't have much problem with French anyway.

While I'll go watch Grey's Anatomy (which I love with all my heart), you should listen to the song Trouble is a Friend, from Lenka. I heard it first in Grey's Anatomy. Perfect moment, perfect scene.

So. Take care and don't be too scared. Dreams coming true is always good.

L.

Recovery.

Welcome y'all to the best album from the best rapper (and person) in the world! See, the tracklist goes a little like this: Cold Wind Blows, Talkin' 2 Myself, On Fire, Won't Back Down (feat. Pink), W.T.P., Going Through Changes, Not Afraid, Seduction, No Love (feat. Lil Wayne), Space Bound, Cinderella Man, 25 to life, So Bad, Almost Famous, Love The Way You Lie, You're Never Over, Untitled and the bonus, Ridaz.

And out of 18 songs, I love - from the bottom of my heart, with all my being - 16 of them. The only two ones that don't deserve much attention are Won't Back Down and W.T.P. But the rest, MAN, the REST! This might easily be my favorite of his albuns. His best work. He's a fucking genius!

I can't take it. He's too good! It's absurd! Song by song, every single second of them, it drives me insane! It's been more than a week that I've been listening to it almost constantly - and I can't get enough! He's the best. He's the FREAKING BEST! (Except for RHCP, but let's not dwell on it.)

Every single song is worth listening (save the two I've mentioned before).

He's freaking god.

L.

F1 Really Does Rock! (Thank GOD!)

First, I'll explain the title. F1 Rocks is a music festival that will happen on November, 5th this year. And Eminem will come. EMINEM! Like, the DREAM! The guy I call 'my GOD' (see the title ?). Damn, is my life good! And my dad even bought me the most expensive ticket possible, just so I can stay as close to him as possible. And believe me, I'll fight my ass off to get as close to him as FREAKING POSSIBLE.

I have to talk about his latest album. See you on the next post.

L.

Damn Right, I'm a Maniac.

I woke up backwards today. Like, backwards. I was angry at everything, I was jealous of everyone, I got irritated by everything, I hated everything. This was supposed to have been a great day and it was just..eh. And besides such major desapointment, I just went to the gym to get my physical evaluation, and I've found out that I'm really, really fat. Well, fatter than I thought I was. And that I'm shorter too. Which is fine, 'cause sometimes I wish I was a tiny little bit shorter. But I also wish my numbers were higher. Whatever.

Why do I have to be fat ? I wish I had anything to work out at home. I wish I could work out 24/7. Seriously, next week I'll be Miss Health Generation. Or Miss I-wanna-lose-as-much-weight-as-I-possibly-can. I'm gonna try my hardest. My freaking hardest.

Now, what do I do about the stress ? I mean, I have been doing works and papers for college non-stop (reason why I haven't written here much). But it's all done now. And this was supposed to be the best day ever (that until November, 5th of this year). It wasn't even close. I had to hold myself back a hundred times not to punch everyone. I'm sick, seriously.

Wait, that reminds me of that song, Break Stuff from Limp Bizkit. Freaking PERFECT! I'm using the lyrics. I'm writing them here. By heart, ok ?

It's just one of those days when you don't wanna wake up. Everything's fucked. Everybody sucks. You don't really know why, but you wanna justify ripping someone's head off. No human contact. And if you interact, your life is on contract. Your best bet is to stay away, motherfucker. It's just one of those days. 

My thoughts exactly.

L.

Life Lessons From Tomb Raider.

'Cause there are many. Really.

I mean, I know one. And I'm gonna talk about one. But if I find any other, I'll keep you posted.

So. Here's the thing. I was playing Tomb Raider: The Angel of Darkness (for the second time) and I remembered that once I had thought about this lesson. It's like this. Everytime I get to a new part, I simply can't pass. I've never passed any part without having to try over and over (I'm not really good with games). But then I try again. And I try some new way of doing it. So I get closer. Then I try again and get even closer. And then, after strugling, trying after trying after trying, I get it! I pass! And then a new part comes up, and I can't do it. But each time that I try, I get closer to it. Until I've made it.

So that's the lesson. Don't give up. Just try again. Try harder. 'Cause you'll get it.

Funny that it took me Tomb Raider for me to learn that.

L.